


A Whole Different Kind of Prison

by SamanthaB



Series: Marauders/Wolfstar One Shot Series [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: After Azkaban, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-29
Updated: 2019-07-29
Packaged: 2020-07-25 20:46:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20032087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SamanthaB/pseuds/SamanthaB
Summary: In which Sirius is broken and Remus tries to snap him out of it





	A Whole Different Kind of Prison

Sirius didn’t know how long he had been staring at the ceiling. His mind was blur of different thoughts, he couldn’t focus on one thing before his brain was already on the next one. He wasn’t even aware of his body at this point. Rationally, he knew he was sitting on his armchair, hands placed on its arms and head reclined, resting on the edge of the armchair’s back, but sometimes what prevails is not one’s rational state of mind.

“Sirius.” Someone said beside him but he didn’t even blink.

Sirius recognised the voice, of course he did, but it was not enough to pull him out of his stupor. All that Sirius felt was a heavy weight on his chest, compressing his lungs. From time to time he could feel his heart pound, or he would grow impossibly warm but then it would all go away.

“Sirius.” This time Remus’ voice was accompanied by his gentle hand resting on Sirius’ shoulder. “Please…” Remus said when Sirius flinched away from the touch, his muscles feeling stiff. “You’ve been like this for hours now.”

Sirius blinked before he turned to Remus who was sitting in front of him, on a chair Sirius wasn’t sure where it was from. He could see the concern on the other’s face and maybe in any other day his heart would have fluttered and he would give in and let Remus take care of him, but he felt numb and did not react. “What else am I supposed to do?” He asked, his voice stripped of emotion.

Remus sighed. “You can’t get like this every time Peter’s name is brought up.”

“Some days are harder than others, Remus. You above all people should get that.” Sirius mumbled and slowly it was like his mind was being dragged back to its place, the numbness dissipating only to give space to pain and hurt. Sirius would rather not have to deal with with the latter. “Besides… It’s not as if he is responsible for the death of my best friend or anything… Or his wife. Or even the fact I was in Azkaban for twelve years, part of which I thought my boyfriend had actually framed me and killed another friend of mine.”

“He fooled us all.” Remus said. “But you cannot let yourself fall into this state of depression. The order needs you. Harry needs you.” Remus said reaching for Sirius’ hand, this time he did not flinch away.

“Needs me?” Sirius scoffed. “Look around Remus, even if he did what could I do? I cannot step outside this house, I am a prisoner in here. Can’t leave, I have nothing to do. I feel useless! And Peter… He’s out there somewhere, living his life in freedom after he caused the murder of James and Lily! How am I supposed to be? I got no closure whatsoever, he’s out there and I… I’m here.” Sirius’ voice cracked a bit. “I just don’t know how you can be so… _alright_ with it.”

“I am not.” Remus said calmly and at the questioning look he received from Sirius he continued. “I had twelve years to deal with my feelings.” He reminded Sirius. “Finding out you were innocent was… in a way… a big relief. The thought you might have been that cruel destroyed me, but I had time to heal.” Remus squeezed Sirius’ hand. “I know this isn’t the ideal scenario but-” 

“Ideal scenario?! Remus, I am stuck at Grimmauld Place, my mother, although dead, still screams at me for the filthy stain of dishonour that I am!” Sirius voice grew louder as he pointed out of room towards the general direction of his mother’s painting. “This is literally the situation I ran away from when I was fifteen!”

Remus just let Sirius rant, he knew it was good for him to just let it all out instead of bottling up. “You’re right. Some days will better than others, but it’s in the bad days that you cannot let yourself fall so low you stare at the ceiling for hours, not sleeping, not eating. You’re stronger than this, Padfoot. And I know you can get through it.”

Sirius broke down. His eyes filled with tears and he had to repress the sob that tightened his chest. That had been the first time in fourteen years that he had heard Remus call him Padfoot. It was also, Sirius realised, the first time in fourteen years that they got to talk. Really talk. Just the two of them. “I missed you, Moony.” He muttered, afraid his voice would crack again.

“I missed you too, Pads.” Remus muttered back and got up from his chair only to pull Sirius up for a close hug. And for the first time in a long time Sirius didn’t feel completely miserable. 


End file.
